Dead Girl Walking

It is clear that I cannot get home at 3am, go to bed at 4am -- after inexplicably finishing a large bag of granola that I got in Houston Phoenix (That's how tired I am! I've never even BEEN to Houston!!) even though I really don't usually like granola -- and then get up and be productive in the morning. Especially when I got up at 5am the day before and had a long ridiculous delayed flight. I am very tired, and my hair, my friends, is very oily.

I got out of bed this morning, after waking up and not knowing where I was (my apartment), turned on the radio (quiet as a mouse because my scary downstairs neighbor is out for blood these days) and then, somehow, got right back in bed. I was unable to get dressed and leave the house. The pull from the bed was powerful, like the magnetic force field in the Hatch on Lost, which I missed this week.

On days when I have not had enough sleep, I find new ways to be mean to myself. I sit at the desk where I should be working and think disciplinary thoughts, like "You should really go back to that Sculpt class on Sunday mornings. Why haven't you been going? What's the matter with you?" and "Oh I suppose you think because you're tired you can sleep all day tomorrow? Oh no, missus, you're getting up and cleaning the apartment!" which leads to "Why hasn't the housekeeper who came once and changed my life a couple weeks ago, why hasn't she called me back about coming again in April? Does she hate me? Does she hate my apartment? Does she want to break up? Is she giving me the silent treatment until I go back to that Sculpt class?" and then I think "You don't deserve a maid! Make less mess! Scrub your own toilet!" and on and on. Soon I will go into the bathroom and notice that I sleepily drooled toothpaste on my shirt, my shirt that is not exactly a great-looking shirt to begin with, and wonder why I had to wear an ugly shirt on a day when I am tired and unshowered and disciplinary.

Perhaps I should go get a colonoscopy. I think it's National Colon Awareness Month. A colonoscopy would be the perfect ending to this great day. (How often have I said that?!! That's right -- a lot!!)