I never make New Year's resolutions. Because I tend to be resolving things, with varying degrees of success, at least once a week, all year long. Which is why today is as good as any to make a resolution. I hereby announce NYR #1: To stop letting this man (front row, second from left) manipulate me.
I wish I had a better photo of him, one without the man I'm fully willing to let into my life (back row, first from left), Brian Lehrer in it. The man I'm resolving, hope against hope, to shake, is WNYC morning newscaster Lance Luckey. You heard me. That's his name. I am pretty sure it's a fake name because come on. Lance Luckey, if you're Vanity Googling and you find this page, I want you to know that I'm over you.
Here's why. The weather. You cannot seem to read the weather without making it sound in some way life-ruining. For instance, this morning, you informed me it would "ONLY get up to 43 degrees." I think you and I both know that 43 degrees is very warm, especially for this time of the year, and hardly in need of the drama you tried to assign to it. When you announce even balmy (albeit scary-balmy, Inconvenient Truth-balmy, for December--ps Al Gore I love it when you say "the earth has a fever," I have a fever for YOU) weather as if it's going to be as insufferable as one of your prized "cold snaps" that are going to make "the morning commute" a living hell, you unnecessarily 1. make me overdress so I'm sweaty all day 2. make me nervous and fearful about my ability to handle the weather, which is insane.
You have been known to relish the announcement of truly inclement weather like a pitbull licking his chops. You have been known, Lance Luckey, to predict freezing temps and gale winds that never arrive. You have been known to take any type of weather, no matter how inconsequential or neutral, and announce it as if the world is ending.
If you don't live in New York, I am sure you can get Lance Luckey's Unluck(e)y Forecast online at wnyc.org if you don't believe me. He tends to swap weather announcing with Soterios Johnson, who is a whole other monkey on my back that I will save for another resolution.
New Year's Resolution #1: To get out from the stranglehold of WNYC's Lance Luckey. If anyone has any suggestions of how I might accomplish this, please advise.