New Year’s Resolution #2

I resolve to keep better track of things that thrill me. Because (and you can quote me on this), if you don't focus on what thrills you, you're more likely to obsess over the stuff that's annoying you and discover that you're a bottomless well of complaint, irritation and woe.

  • The charming Cooper Square Hotel construction workers still screaming outside my window. I love you guys! You're the best! Louder, please! Earlier, PLEASE! Should you catch a glimpse of me getting out of the shower, PLEASE WAVE! I sometimes forget you're there! Pay lots of attention to me! That means whether I'm inside my apartment or on the street. Wherever I go, please acknowledge me!
  • My white noise machine. Like a fan, without the fan action. Should I happen to grow weary of the constant adoration of the construction crew, it helps.
  • Jens Lekman
  • My stuffed-up nose and head. I like when I wake up and realize I've been breathing through my mouth for four hours and have been dancing a pas de deux with strep all night. I also love when my snuffly head drips down to my throat and I feel like I've swallowed a hair. Would that this action continue all winter!
  • Fresh Direct! You guys! I don't need soy sauce! Being out of absolutely every staple is adorable. Keep it up.

Hold on! It seems like I'm making a list of things that suck! Did you notice that too? A sarcastic list of things that suck! How did this happen? This is supposed to be a New Year's Resolution. For self-improvement. Not a gripe session. MELISSA. Focus.

  • The varying styles of the teachers of spinning classes at the gym. The guy who is overly-concerned with what percentage of my heart rate I'm up to when I have no clue what he's talking about. The guy on the headset who is so unintelligible that I just imagine he's telling me I'm riding on a flat road through the countryside and to take it easy. The girl who is so bossy and dominatrixy that all I can think of is how spinning class is for masochists and, as a legitimate bike-rider, I should eschew all stationary bicycling because if not for the dim lights and loud music, it would be the saddest workout on earth.
  • Michael Cera. I saw Juno. I don't think he's ever played any other role but the one he perfected on Arrested Development, further honed in Superbad, and flaunted like a peacock in the totally irresistible Clark and Michael. And like everyone else on earth, I'm a total sucker for him/his shtick, which might possibly be his actual personality. I love him. I can bring myself to tears just thinking about that scene where Juno says "You're like the coolest person I've ever met and you don't even have to try" and he says "I try really hard, actually."
  • The guy from the laundromat who offered to let me pay him $2 to dry my delicates on low instead of not putting them in the dryer at all, as I'd requested. I like when I pay you to use less energy. It just feels right.
  • Raspberry Soy Delicious bars. I had never seen them before, only the orange and chocolate ones. I got some last night at Whole Foods which was total madness but I had to go because hey Fresh Direct, thanks for nothing, I can't make quiche without crusts. Why didn't you order more crusts, FD? Why are your crusts a dollar more than Whole Foods? Why is your crate of clementines $2 more? Are you aware I could get my delicates dried on low for that difference? Revenons aux nos moutons. I now know that not only are Raspberry Soy Delicious bars DELICIOUS, that my cache of melted-then-refrozen-because-I-accidentally-left-freezer-open-a-little (it's not my fault! that freezer has a really dumb, weak seal!) orange and chocolate Soy Delicious bars are GROSS. I can't believe I have been living so long with these burnt, shriveled bars. EXTRA RESOLUTION WITHIN A RESOLUTION: I resolve to throw away that bad shrively Soy Delicious bars and to make sure my freezer is always always always shut.

And here I leave you. If you've gotten this far, I love you. If you didn't get this far, well, we can use this place to talk about you, because you'll never know. And if you're reading this in a Christmas haze because you happened on this blog after receiving the Girl's Guide for Christmas, I'll sign your copy, too. Just email me.

Happy? Holidays! Melissa