Where Does He Go Now?

Axl_roseAnd now a break from our regularly scheduled programming because, well, I'll put it to you straight: I'm sitting on some serious G* about Axl Rose and I can't keep it to myself anymore. You heard me.

So my friend J. works in a NYC restaurant that's got its share of celebrity regulars, one of whom is our favorite be-shmataed GNR frontman. I have recently been privy to two tales of what's become of Axl since the November Rains of autumns past and I am in love with both of these darling anecdotes.

1. A few weeks ago, out for a particularly raucous evening with his entourage, Axl emerged from the restroom, got a waiter in a headlock and screamed "Duuuuuude!!! I'm having the best night! You know I don't do drugs anymore so I just went into the men's room and did a line of Splenda!!!!!!!"

2. On a separate occasion, Axl approached another server who had tattoos up and down both arms. "Dude," said Axl, "you know, I was the first rock and roller to have tattoos like that. I made that okay for you."

Axl Rose's appetite for destruction has turned into an appetite for snorting sugar substitutes, and see that fine ink on your arms (or, god forbid, that om on your lower back)? Axl made that okay for you. It was not okay for, say, the Allman Brothers, but thanks to Axl, it is okay for you.

*For the uninitiated, "G" is gossip that's too urgent to wait through the whole word. Usage: "I have major G." You don't "tell G," you "give G." As in "Gimme me the G." G that is private and can't be spread is "H," for "hush." As in "I have something to tell you but it's H so don't spread it like it's G." These usages, clearly, predate "G" as shorthand for "gangsta" and "H" as short for "herpes." It is not recommended that you tell someone that you have "H" unless they know that you mean "I have G that's not to be spread." Unless your H is that you have herpes and you are making it clear before you, you know. spread it. My god. -- Melissa Kirsch