I ate soap. It was an accident. I thought it was a piece of tomato. It was red and tomato-shaped and on the counter. I ate soap or maybe it was detergent and it's worse than you think. I brushed my teeth twice and drank root beer and still I am tasting Avalon Rosemary Shampoo when I swallow. This is what I get for excavating crap-covered bottles of crap out from under the sink.
I ate soap.