Death By Department

I went to the Bad Place today in a megalithic department store's ballgown department. It seemed like it would be fun to go try on frocks at a department store. I don't know who I thought I was, or whose idea of "fun" I thought I was going to encounter.

I had just had a rather discomfiting doctor's appointment and was in the mood to do something mindless and self-adorning. Oh dear god. It's like fun, fun, fun, Jessica McClintock Gunne Sax I'm going to the prom how hilarious how fun this all is, I'm trying on a red taffeta dress oh hee heee ho ho I AM GOING TO DIE. I am sweating. I am stuck in a Zum Zum prom dress from Sixteen Candles and I'm not going to be able to get it off without ripping the zipper or pulling it off over my head, oh god I'm stuck deep inside a the Seventh Circle of Flammable Textiles, I can't breathe, I have to get out of this dress and then I have to get out of this store. Will I live to get out of this dress? Will I make it out of this store alive? I'm thirsty, I'm dehydrated. I need to go take a shower. I need to go frolic in green space. I can't believe I ever thought I'd find redemption via a prom dress.

Lesson learned. Again.